Adversity within

I woke up this morning numerous times this morning with a massive headache. Part of this entire transition is still not real to me but what is real is that I am in an entirely new place. I am already finding myself feeling a little lonely and that’s a hard place to be. I came from a home where I had my niece and nephews around and was never alone. Yes, I am currently with an older lady but it’s a strange feeling, living in someone else home in a completely new state. I am 16 hours away from home and Texas is not like the place I grew up in. I am from the country and now I am in the city. I don’t even remember how to get back to the office from the place I am staying.

So, the adversity within is a sense of being alone and having nothing to do. I am quickly finding out that I would much rather be busy all day than have nothing to do and I would much rather be around people than be alone (however, living on my own I could deal with since then I would be able to call it more my own than feeling like I am just a guest in someone’s house).

Loneliness and not having anything to do: at the moment I do not have a vehicle so I have to rely on my placement site if I need something but we went and got things that I needed yesterday so today I am finding myself not needing anything. I am not living in Dallas but rather a place called Garland, TX but the office is in Dallas. At this moment I am grateful for the current US-2 that is serving in Dallas since she has been amazing and reaching out to me. She was where I am a year ago today so she knows how it is to leave everything behind and move to a completely new place for 2 years. We are planning on getting together tonight sometime (well, she will be coming here since I don’t have a way to meet half way between) but part of me feels bad about it since I am not in Dallas so it is a farther drive than it would have been if I were in Dallas where she is working and living. I also have a Mission Intern friend that lives in Texas right now until she leaves for her placement site over seas so we have been talking. So, I am not alone yet at times it seems like I am alone already. I went from spending the majority of the day once I arrived with people from my placement site to today where I am not with them since they don’t really want me to start working right away but rather allow me to get accustomed to the area so I don’t actually start work until September 3^rd. Until then, I don’t know what it is that I will be doing since I want to be doing something but don’t know the area, don’t have a way around, and I don’t want to be bothering those from my placement site of those that I know here and asking them to give me something to do or hang out since that’s just not me.

Home: yes, I am going to be calling Texas my home for the next 2 years but right now I don’t feel like the place I am staying is my home. I have pictures displayed and everything but it just doesn’t feel like home, as I stated above it feels more like I am a guest in someone’s house than my home. However, yesterday when speaking with my placement site, they were thinking about moving me to an apartment closer to the office (and in Dallas) in about a month so that I could just take a bus to the office rather than driving a nice distance like it will be at the moment. I think that if that happens, then I will be able to call the apartment my home since it will be only me there, but that’s a month away so I have to make due with what I have at the moment. It may not be easy but I know that God’s with me and He will be my strength and provide me with what is needed! I may not always see the answers but I trust Him with these next 2 years and with logistics of what will happen.

I may post again later tonight but for now this is my prayer request: pray for me to be able to call Texas my home (as well as the actual place that I am living at the moment) and that I find community soon so that I don’t feel alone (I know that things will get a lot better once I start working but until the 3^rd, I am not sure what is going to happen).

Thanks and blessings,

Hayley

Let the adventures begin...

Well, today was the day that I started my transition to Dallas, Texas. In all honesty, it was hard to say bye to my parents but I know God has great things planned these next 2 years and will be with my family and friends that I have left behind in Indiana. My parent’s hae even said that God placed the grand kids (my niece and nephews) with them so that they would keep busy and have something to keep their mind off of me being gone. Yeah, God has a way of answering prayer and giving us what we need even when we may not know or expect it!

So the trip to Texas began bright and early, well actually dark and early since the sun wasn’t up yet when we headed to the Indianapolis airport. The first flight was 2 ½ hours and then I had an hour layover in Denver, which was interesting. I have never been to Denver before but I can honestly say I don’t care for the airport. My flight was supposed to be departing from gate 60A (which was on the complete other end of the airport from where I landed) so I went to that gate and was able to relax for a few minutes (since my carry on bag was super heavy) but then we were told that our flight would actually be departing from gate A25 (back to where I had just been from getting off of my previous flight). However the signs still said that it was leaving from A60 but it was wrong. So, needless to say, I got my exercise today and have already had to be flexible (yep, I had no control over this situation) but we made it on the flight and made our way to Dallas. On the plus side of that flight, nobody was sitting in the middle seat so it was a comfortable flight and I had a window seat again!

Oh and on both flights, I ended up talking to the person sitting next to me and was able to tell them what I was about to do and moving to Texas for 2 years, the first flight from Indy, I sat by a lady that was originally from Fort Worth, Texas but now lives in Indiana and the second flight, I sat by a man that is also relocating to Texas! I’d say that both flights were good (once we got boarded and going!)

So, 3 time zones and 2 flights later, I finally made it to Texas! Once I landed in Texas, I met one of the staff from the Dallas Leadership Foundation at baggage claim and then went with her to the office to meet others that work there. I then had lunch at a café with my 2 bosses and talked some about what it is that I will be doing in each department since I am working with both the community and the youth (hence, 2 bosses). After that, I went back to the office to complete a few papers and continue talking until we left to go shopping at Target for food and then eventually made our way to the place that I will be staying (at least for a month and then might be moving to an apartment closer to the office).

That has been my day and right now I am enjoying being in Texas (but I also know that it is new so I am at a high right now with lots of energy). I also really like the organization that I am going to be working with and everyone seems super nice! Now, I am about to call it a night since the day has warn me out (I have been up since 3:30am EST) so keep watching my blog for new updates and please stay in touch! 

Here are a few pics of where I am staying and my flight to Texas.

 

My bed (prayer blanket from my home church and my bear from my parents)

About to land in Texas (Texas view from the plane)

My desk (my photos of my family, sadly don't have a pic of 2 of my nephews)

Ready or not, the adventures about to begin

Well, I am officially spending my last day in Indiana for 2 years. I leave for Dallas Texas at 6:40am! Wow, has time honestly sped up and am I really getting ready to leave everything behind and start this new chapter and journey in my life? Yep, I sure am and I am both excited but also a little anxious. I am ready to meet everyone at my placement site and to see what God has in store for me down there but it’s hard to leave my home and everyone behind.

 I was glad to spend 1 last Sunday with my home church (Poplar Grove United Methodist Church) and speak to them about how I got to where I am right now (partnering with the General Board of Global Ministries) and what it is that I will be doing these next 2 years, even though there is a lot of logistics that I am not aware of right now. Attending church was a good way to end my time spent at home and knowing that I have the prayers and support of my home church and church family is a great feeling and appreciated! I don’t know what I would be doing if it weren’t for their prayers and support through this entire adventure. When I had doubts about the path I chose, they were the first ones I went to for prayers (well, besides 2 of my best friends). It will be interesting to see what church God leads me to and where it is that I am going to call “home” for the next 2 years.

So, as I titles this post, “ready or not, the adventures about to begin” and that is exactly how I feel right now as I have been saying my final good-byes, packing, and getting everything ready for Texas. For this adventure, I don’t know the chapters or the pages in the book but God does and I am following Him on this adventure! I am praying that I am ready but even if I am not, the adventure is about to begin. So, am I ready for this adventure, am I ready to leave, and what's ahead of me??? Those are things I can't fully answer but God can!

I can honestly say that the wave of emotions didn’t hit me fully until I started to hug and kiss my niece and nephews and knowing that this is the last time I will be hugging and kissing them for 2 years. That’s probably one of the hardest parts about this journey, leaving my family and nieces and nephews. I have been around them since they were born and have already had to miss birthdays and first day of kindergarten. I am praying that I am ready to leave but they will always be on my mind. They have been a part of me since they were born and they will be dearly missed. I will be saying my last good bye to my parents tomorrow as they drop me off at the airport to catch my flight.

Luke 8:57-62 truly reflects where I am right now. God told those in this passage to follow Him and not go back home, not to say bye to their family, etc and I couldn’t imagine leaving right now without saying bye or spending 1 last night with them. It would have been hard especially since it is hard for me right now to be leaving but I know that God’s got everything under control and He will guide and lead me. My life is in His hands and I trust that He will put me into a community that I will enter into and call my own. That God will lead me to a church that can become a part of my story these next 2 years, that God would put people into my life… Yeah, I put complete trust in God since I have no control and that’s a hard thing for me to deal with since I like knowing what’s going on and having some control but this journey is God’s journey and I am excited about these next 2 years.

 I would love your continued prayers and hope to stay in touch. Hope you are able to follow this blog and see what God’s doing through me and the organization that I am partnering with in Dallas Texas! It’s my goal to post a new blog every other week (so at least twice a month) so keep looking back and feel free to leave a comment since I would LOVE to hear from you all!!

Blessings and praying for you all as I leave!

Out of the introvert

Many people know that I am naturally an introvert but throughout the 3 weeks of training, I kept hearing that you need to find your voice. There were times that I wanted to speak up but being someone that likes to avoid conflict, I decided to keep it to myself and “block” what was going on. I would later find out that I wasn’t the only one that had the same thoughts or feelings but nobody spoke up. Why not?

This is something that I am needing to work on. I have been told many times over the years that I need to speak up and let people know what I am thinking and give my ideas but I never do. Why is there such a conflict between me and speaking? I am hoping that during the 2 years of working in Texas that I will find my voice and become more of an extravert. It is my prayer that I leave the comfort of keeping things to myself and truly be an advocate to those that I am serving. That I come back at midterm or every quarter meeting and people can’t keep me quiet. Wouldn’t that be a change and possibly unexpected coming from me?!

 I was talking with my placement site and they asked me how I honestly felt about living on my own in a new place and it then came out that I am more of an introvert. Wait, did I just tell my placement site that is all about speaking to people and outreach that I am an introvert? Yep, I sure did and they came back by saying “you do know that this is about outreach, right?” Yep I sure do and I am ready for the adventure. I am ready to leave the comfort and be pushed. I am ready to rely on God every day and leave the introvert Hayley behind. I am ready for a new start and to see what God truly has in store for me.

These next 2 years won’t be easy and stepping out of the introvert and finding my voice isn’t always going to be easy. I guarantee that there will be days that I question what it is that I am doing and would much rather hide away in my room but I will push through. I know that I am not in this alone but I have God with me as well as journeying together with 13 other US-2’s and 15 Mission Interns. We are there for each other and to help in the times that we may not see progress.

So, stepping out of the introvert. That is my prayer and will probably be one of the harder things to do but I look back on the years that I have done outreach and even though I am more introverted, I will step out and become an “extrovert” and find my voice. What is there to loose by doing this? Nothing, that’s what but an even better experience and growing. Growing closer to God, growing closer to those I work with, and growing in knowing who God has truly made me to be.

 I look forward to discovering how this journey of stepping out of the introvert and finding my voice goes and I am glad to have people on my side and journeying in this adventure with me. We’re in this together, not alone!

I will end on this... 

Go and step out of the introvert and don't be afraid to find your voice since your voice matters!

The above song is one that was played at commissioning and the words are powerful if you truly listen to them and hear what is being said. I think it goes well with this post so I hope you enjoy it as I enjoyed the message of this song!

We are no longer our own, but Yours...

We are no longer our own, but Yours.

Put us to what You will, place us with whom You will.

Put us to doing, put us to suffering.

Let us be put to work for you or set aside for You,

praised for You or criticized for You.

Let us be full, let us be empty.

Let us have all things, let us have nothing.

We freely and fully surrender all things to Your hope and service.

And now, O glorious and blessed God, Creator, Redeemer, and Sustainer,

You are ours, and we are Yours.

So be it.

And the covenant which we have made on earth, let it be made also in heaven.

Amen.

After spending 3 weeks together with 28 other young adults, we were officially commissioned as missionaries with the United Methodist Church. During the previous 3 weeks, we spent time together in intentional community where we learned and grew together by attending training sessions every morning from 8:15am-7pm. We took turns leading the morning devotions with our prayer partners, we listened to each other tell their call story and how they got to be where they were at. Every call story was powerful and gave us a better understanding of who each other was and we all came from very different paths of life. Some had more struggles than others, some had more joy than sadness, but no matter where we have journeyed, we have all came together as 1 body of Christ, willing to give up our lives, our dreams, our goals, and ultimately everything to serve God.

The above covenant is the Wesleyan covenant prayer that we as a US-2 class and then the Mission Interns stated during our commissioning. If you truly read the words, then it says a lot and resembles where each of us have come from and where we are going. We are giving up our lives and have made a commitment to live simply when as college graduates, we could be making more money than we may be by doing ministry. But we have all answered the call of ministry on our lives and we are all journeying into simple living together.

We are one class of US-2’s and Mission Interns united by 1 God and that’s all we need. We are heading out to different areas of the world, some in the United States and some in other countries but we will always be united as a class and as Christians living out their lives for God. During the past 3 weeks, besides learning together, we have laughed together, we have adventured together, we have cried together, and we have become community together. A community that I hope nothing can damage.

We are off to serve for 2 years and we are glad to finally be officially commissioned as missionaries. It’s not always going to be an easy journey but with God by our sides, we can make it through and we will leave the 2 years of service as stronger Christians and with changed lives! 

I ask that if you are reading this post that you take time out of your day and pray for and support the 2013-2015 Young Adult Missionary class. There are many ways that you can support us and follow our stories. You can commit to pray for us daily, you can send us emails and words of encouragement throughout the 2 years that we will be serving, you can financially support us, you can follow our blogs (which I have a list of the other Young Adult Missionaries blogs on the left side of this blog so you can check out what’s going on with others), or you can support us in other ways that I may not have listed. So, how is God asking you to support us? Is it financially? (If so, please message myself or someone else that you would like to financially support and we can help you do that.) Is it through emailing a missionary (if so, please let us know and we can give you our ministry emails.) Or is it another way that God’s asking you to support us? We would love your support during these next 2 years and we would love to hear from you!

Peace and blessings,

Hayley Terrell

Week 1 of training and challenges

It's been a week of ministry training so far and to be honest, I am overwhelmed. I came into training thinking that it wouldn't be draining, spiritually and personally challenging, or exhausting due to my past experience with conferences but I was completely wrong.

So far, I have been challenged to examine myself to see the biases that I may have toward people but not even realize. Honestly, I almost always considered myself to be "color blind" and even after taking a multicultural class where w were asked to wrestle with this, I truly didn't take a look at who I was or how I saw things. Being here at training after talking about an issue that embraced color of people, I started to see that I was guilty of this very thing. Yes, I love everyone but after looking back at myself and examining who I am, I realized that I do see color and I categorize people. This breaks me since this is not what God wants. It was easier in some sense to live these past 22 years as If I we're "color blind" but God revealed to me this fault and it's something that will need to be worked through.

I will be working with the Hispanic population and possibly African American population while in Texas. My heart and passion is in working with the Hispanic population but there is so much that I don't know and can't relate to due to being white. Color is a very real thing and even if you say that everyone is the same and we should see people as people, it's not that easy. Trust me, I used to think the same thing and this realization is hard to grasp and understand. I don't know why God created me to be a white female and have white privilege but He did and that's something I can't change since its permanent. I will be working in a community where I will be learning from them since there is a lot that I don't know and will never know the full extent of pain/ hurt/ past that they have experienced and even though I wish I were going in on even/equal levels, I'm not because of the color of my skin and how I have grown up.

So, that's been one challenge and realization I have had I come to terms with and finally understand what my multicultural counseling instructor was talking about and trying to get across all of last semester.

Another thing is that I have been challenged with that goes along with the above is immigration and where I come from. Again I am white and with that comes privilege that I can't control but my passion is with Hispanics and has been for a long time now. I haven't really reflected on the question of where I am from since its hard by hope to truly reflect on that at some point. But back to immigration, I have taken many Spanish classes and read a lot on immigration especially in terms of the Hispanic community but never saw a lot of things actually happen. Being here in New York, I have been in contact and have seen the injustice going on and it breaks me to the point that I could cry. Why is there so much injustice to this community that I am passionate about? Why am I white and don't face this type of injustice or false accusations? Where is God at in the midst of the injustice going on in the Spanish speaking community and other communities? How can I help and make a difference? These are all questions that come to mind. I used to be blind to what was going on even after reason about it but seeing the affects of what's going on and talking to people that face this injustice breaks me. So that's another challenge I have had to face since I am passionate about this specific community and I want to reach out to them and make a difference.

Today we talked about giving and receiving and it seemed to be a concessions that many people prefer to give rather than to receive. I have always been a giver, (a giver of my time, resources, helper, etc) but starts to realize today the importance of receiving as well. When leaving for Texas, I won't only be giving to the community that I am working in but I will also have to receive from them. As I have mentioned the community I am going to be entering into has stuff to teach me since it is a different living and community context than my own. It's hard to receive but when we give, we feel accomplished/ good/ etc so if we give all the time and don't receive then we are depriving others from the same feeling we at when we give.

Lastly for the time being, today we talked about calling and I know in my heart and through much discernment and confirmation from others that I am in the right place. God never promised this to be an easy journey and at first I thought I was going to be easy but after this 1st week, I am realizing how much injustice is truly going on (not only over seas but here in the United States) and I break for what's going on. It reminded me of the song that says (break my heart for what breaks yours).

This journey is hard and I had wanted to leave the country but after this week, I am glad that God has placed me in the United States since there is a lot of injustice and hurt right in our own backyards. It's going to be a challenging 2 years but I look forward to being challenged even more, examining myself to see my faults and blind spots, and growing closer to God and living among the injustice so that I may gain a better understanding of what the persecuted populations are dealing with and in return hope to make a difference and reach the community and show them Gods love for them.

Gods at work and I look forward to the rest of the training a well as the 2 years in Texas!

Thanks for the prayers so far, continued prayers are appreciated as I continue this journey with God, the other YAM's, and myself.

Leaving the known behind

With there being a little less than 3 weeks before I leave for training for 3 weeks, I have been finding myself thinking about what I am leaving behind and my family. I have known all year that if I entered into ministry then I would be leaving my friends, family, and everything that I knew behind but it didn’t hit me until I was in the vehicle with my sister heading to my college roommates house for her wedding rehearsal. It was then that it truly dawned on me that I would be leaving my family and friends behind for 2 years. This is one of the harder parts of going into ministry since I have a 5 year old niece and nephew, a 4 year old nephew, and a almost 1 year old nephew and I have been around them since they were born.

Transitions are not always easy and people change and that struck me when I attended my college roommates, Brittney, wedding as a bridesmaid. I realized that she will be changing and that the times we had in college wouldn’t happen again. We wouldn’t be going to Chuck-E-Cheese in order to procrastinate from studying for finals, we wouldn’t be getting tax free food from the food courts on campus, we wouldn’t be living together, and we wouldn’t be seeing each other every day or at least every week. College was a great time and I enjoyed the memories that were made but I wish that I could continue living as I did in college. However, I am aware that we have graduated and that it’s time to go out into the world to make a difference. I was a member of InterVarsity Christian Fellowship and the saying that they have is “students and faculty transformed, campuses renewed, and WORLD CHANGERS DEVEOLOPED.” Yeah, WORLD CHANGERS, but we can’t make a difference in the world or even in other states of the United States, as I will be doing unless we leave what we have known behind. But then again, it’s not saying goodbye and I am not loosing friends since as the Michael W. Smith song “Friends” says “Friends are friends forever if the Lord’s the Lord of them” and with technology these days, we will be able to stay connected and remain forever roomies or friends and family! However it’s still not easy.

After that realization and as the days come to an end and the day that I leave draws closer, I find myself not wanting to leave my family or friends but wanting to spend as much time as I can with them before I leave for 2 years. I guess you can say that I am finally realizing the importance and gift of family and friends.

I know that I am greatly going to miss my family since 2 years is a long time but I am also very much looking forward to and excited about the 2 years of working in Texas and doing ministry. This has been the calling on my life for a few years now and God has given me the opportunity to pursue that calling and see where things will take me. With having to leave my friends and family behind, there are some verses that come to mind where Jesus called His followers to leave things behind in order to follow Him.  The cost of following Jesus and saying yes to ministry is sacrificial and it’s not always going to be easy but God has promised that He will be our strength since He doesn’t expect us to make it on our own but with God, all things are possible and it’s very rewarding to follow Him and follow His calling and will for our lives. For me, that calling and will is ministry so I continue to say yes and rely on His strength and guidance.

"As they were going along the road, someone said to him, “I will follow you wherever you go.” And Jesus said to him, “Foxes have holes, and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay his head.” To another he said, “Follow me.” But he said, “Lord, let me first go and bury my father.” And Jesus said to him, “Leave the dead to bury their own dead. But as for you, go and proclaim the kingdom of God.” Yet another said, “I will follow you, Lord, but let me first say farewell to those at my home.” Jesus said to him, “No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God.” (Luke 9:57-62)

"Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me." (Luke 9:23)

“Peter tried another angle: “We left everything and followed you.” Jesus said, “Mark my words, no one who sacrifices house, brothers, sisters, mother, father, children, land—whatever—because of me and the Message will lose out. They’ll get it all back, but multiplied many times in homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children, and land—but also in troubles. And then the bonus of eternal life! This is once again the Great Reversal: Many who are first will end up last, and the last first.” (Mark 10:28-31)