Adversity within

I woke up this morning numerous times this morning with a massive headache. Part of this entire transition is still not real to me but what is real is that I am in an entirely new place. I am already finding myself feeling a little lonely and that’s a hard place to be. I came from a home where I had my niece and nephews around and was never alone. Yes, I am currently with an older lady but it’s a strange feeling, living in someone else home in a completely new state. I am 16 hours away from home and Texas is not like the place I grew up in. I am from the country and now I am in the city. I don’t even remember how to get back to the office from the place I am staying.

So, the adversity within is a sense of being alone and having nothing to do. I am quickly finding out that I would much rather be busy all day than have nothing to do and I would much rather be around people than be alone (however, living on my own I could deal with since then I would be able to call it more my own than feeling like I am just a guest in someone’s house).

Loneliness and not having anything to do: at the moment I do not have a vehicle so I have to rely on my placement site if I need something but we went and got things that I needed yesterday so today I am finding myself not needing anything. I am not living in Dallas but rather a place called Garland, TX but the office is in Dallas. At this moment I am grateful for the current US-2 that is serving in Dallas since she has been amazing and reaching out to me. She was where I am a year ago today so she knows how it is to leave everything behind and move to a completely new place for 2 years. We are planning on getting together tonight sometime (well, she will be coming here since I don’t have a way to meet half way between) but part of me feels bad about it since I am not in Dallas so it is a farther drive than it would have been if I were in Dallas where she is working and living. I also have a Mission Intern friend that lives in Texas right now until she leaves for her placement site over seas so we have been talking. So, I am not alone yet at times it seems like I am alone already. I went from spending the majority of the day once I arrived with people from my placement site to today where I am not with them since they don’t really want me to start working right away but rather allow me to get accustomed to the area so I don’t actually start work until September 3^rd. Until then, I don’t know what it is that I will be doing since I want to be doing something but don’t know the area, don’t have a way around, and I don’t want to be bothering those from my placement site of those that I know here and asking them to give me something to do or hang out since that’s just not me.

Home: yes, I am going to be calling Texas my home for the next 2 years but right now I don’t feel like the place I am staying is my home. I have pictures displayed and everything but it just doesn’t feel like home, as I stated above it feels more like I am a guest in someone’s house than my home. However, yesterday when speaking with my placement site, they were thinking about moving me to an apartment closer to the office (and in Dallas) in about a month so that I could just take a bus to the office rather than driving a nice distance like it will be at the moment. I think that if that happens, then I will be able to call the apartment my home since it will be only me there, but that’s a month away so I have to make due with what I have at the moment. It may not be easy but I know that God’s with me and He will be my strength and provide me with what is needed! I may not always see the answers but I trust Him with these next 2 years and with logistics of what will happen.

I may post again later tonight but for now this is my prayer request: pray for me to be able to call Texas my home (as well as the actual place that I am living at the moment) and that I find community soon so that I don’t feel alone (I know that things will get a lot better once I start working but until the 3^rd, I am not sure what is going to happen).

Thanks and blessings,

Hayley