You're not alone

It seems to me like this journey as a US-2 missionary, living in a new state, etc has been a roller coaster ride. There have been times where I have questioned why it is that I am in Texas and wondering if I made the right choice and then there are other times that I absolutely know without a doubt that I am where I am meant to be and enjoy what it is that God has called me to do here in Texas. However, that’s not the only thing that feels like a roller coaster ride at times but also relationships and feeling like I am on this journey alone.

During training everyone was together in one place yet once we were given our assignments, we were dispersed throughout the entire United States as well as the world and for the most part nobody was going to be going to the same place. Recently I received news that made me start to feel like I was on this journey alone but God knew what I was about to go through and sent one of the mission interns who’s still waiting to get her visa to text me at the right time as the news was found out and when the feelings of being alone came over me. It was in our text conversation that I was very much reminded that I am not in this journey alone. Those of us that trained together may be placed in different states yet we are still connected by what it is that we are doing and we are in some way, even with the distances separating us, journeying together in our ministry assignments.

I have been reminded by those that I work with and those that I attend church with that we are all connected by the body of Christ and that in some way, others are able to connect and relate in this ministry journey. It’s been a reminder that I am not in this journey alone and that there are people who can relate even if it’s not noticeable.

Yesterday (Saturday), I helped with a neighborhood leadership workshop where many of those that attended are residents and leaders of different neighborhoods. Each neighborhood (and each ministry assignment) has it’s own characteristics and each person leads in a way that suits them best however, there comes a time where we get tired and just don’t know how we can continue leading and carrying on with the ministry. At the neighborhood leadership workshop, it was encouraging to see the leaders sharing what works for them and what they need to improve on, what they hope to see and how things are currently, and how they each want to network with each other. Some of the leaders may have been coming into the workshop feeling as if they were alone, feeling tired / overwhelmed/ discouraged yet leaving the workshop, it seems like they realized that they were not in the journey alone and that there were others that are in the same place as them and can relate to what they are doing and their struggles.

 Too often, I feel like the enemy tried to get us down and tries to get us in a place where we feel like we are the only ones doing something, the only ones working toward change, the only ones doing what it is that we are doing and that nobody else can resonate with us and understand. Yet God says otherwise, He says that we are never alone and He places us in situations and around others so that we don’t have to go through things alone, so that we have a network around us, so that we can talk to others and know that we are not alone. Since being in Texas, there have been times where I felt like nobody else understood what I was facing or could resonate with my situation yet in those times, God has placed people in my life at the right time and have brought up conversations at the right time to remind me that I am not alone. When we are doing work for God, the enemy will try anything he can to distract us and hurt us yet it’s in those times that we need to truly look to God and look to the body of Christ to get us through and to understand that we are never alone.

So, when you are feeling tired/ overwhelmed/ just wanting to quit/ feeling like you are the only one facing turmoil/ etc, remember that God is always by your side and that the body of Christ is standing with you. You don’t have to face the challenges alone and there are people who want to encourage you and see you succeed. If you realize that someone is tired/ overwhelmed/ feeling alone in their journey then take a minute to pray for them or talk to them and be the body of Christ that we are meant to be. Support and encourage one another. Together, we can succeed and overcome obstacles that show up in our lives.

Trusting God in the little things

“Our reaction to seemingly unimportant things will be a key indicator in what God will do later in our life. We have a tendency to want to go out and immediately slay giants and win the day and be victorious, while overlooking the fact that we are called into victory where we are. Your victory in the Lord begins wherever you are right now.” ~He used a stone 

I started reading a book called; “He used a stone” which is about how God used David to defeat Goliath (a “giant”) with something as small as a stone and goes into the life that David lived. I started reading it after one of the churches I am attending, First UMC Richardson, started a sermon series called “Against All Odds.” Last week’s message was about the “giants” in our lives and the obstacles we may face daily. Since then, I have been wondering, what are the “giants” in my life in regards to the ministry journey that I am on right now? What are the things that keep me from possibly seeing the bigger picture of why God brought me to Texas and to work with the Dallas Leadership Foundation? And so forth.

When we were asked what “giants” were in our lives last week, I really couldn’t express what the “giants” were but I knew I was facing them. I knew that I was facing obstacles yet I could not explain those obstacles in words; it was just something that I felt and knew I was dealing with. And that is where the quote above comes into play and where I will go back to a previous blog post where I talked about spiritual gifts.

When I took a few spiritual gift inventories, many of them came back with the top result of being “administration” with other gifts to follow. Before I entered into the ministry journey of being a US-2 young adult missionary and coming to Texas, I questioned what “ministry” looked like for me. I applied for 2 other ministry positions before being accepted into the US-2 program and before moving to Texas. During my time of discerning what “ministry” looked like for me and being turned down from the 2 ministry positions, I ended up talking to someone that I saw as a mentor and knew where I was at in regards to pursuing ministry. He was the InterVarsity staff worker on my campus and one thing I remember him telling me after I was turned down from the 2 ministry opportunities, was that he saw me in more of an administrative role and that the 2 job positions would not have been right for what God had gifted me with.

Since I have been in Texas, it has come up more than once that one of my gifts that is apparent is in administration. Yes administration comes easy to me and I can get things in the administrative area done fairly quickly but that where a “giant” lays. The giant is that even though I may be “gifted” in administration, there is still an undying passion to do more, a passion that has been apparent most of my life. Being a servant leader, a lifestyle that Jesus portrayed and was an example of.

Even though I realize that administration is a strong point and gift in my life, I sometimes wonder if it is making any difference. Right now I am having to trust God in the “small” things, or at least things that seem small to me but may not seem small to others. I have to continue following and relying on God where He has me and continue to continuously remind myself to slow down and try to see things the way God sees them. Once I started looking into pursuing a career in full time ministry, I was often told that you are doing ministry everywhere you go, it’s that we often overlook what’s going on and forget to realize that even the smallest thing we do is ministry to someone else. We just need to be obedient and trust God in where He has us now, doing the work that He has called us to do right now. So, what’s your ministry and what are your “giants?”

Surrendering ALL

Since the New Year and especially the past few weeks, I have found myself having more questions than answers and wondering where things are taking me and what God is doing in my life and through me. Wondering if I am making any difference, if people are able to see Christ in me, if my life is being changed by those that I work with (both community members, schools, staff, etc). I have also found myself just going through the motions of “ministry” of doing things just because it’s what I am supposed to do rather than truly taking a step back and seeing the situation and task ahead of me as God sees it and fully embracing what He has for me.

I feel like everybody, including those in the ministry field, goes through times in their lives where we find ourselves just going through the motions. We get so caught up in doing what we do that we forget why we are doing and seeing God through the work that we are doing. We forget that everyday we have to lay our lives down and surrender everything to God.

I realize that there is a lot of pain, hurt, injustice, etc in Dallas where I am serving and that the organization that I am working with is trying to bring hope to Dallas and everyone that we come into contact with. Yet, how can we bring hope when we get caught up in the everyday tasks that we forget the reason we are doing the work we are doing and how hope is going to come about? There is no way that we can bring hope to people in our own flesh and in our own strength but when we remind ourselves that God is already at work and that God is present and He’s the reason for the work we are doing, and remind ourselves that God desires hope and equality for all then we will be able to start making a difference.

Ministry truly is my passion and working with those in the community that may at times feel hopeless, not know where to turn, feel like they are forgotten about, etc is not always easy yet Christ is the strength and hope that keeps us going. Without God then we would be getting absolutely nowhere. I realize that God is the only hope there is since this world is broken and Dallas is a broken place but God is very much present all around but it takes us having to take a step back and truly open our eyes to see the work that God is doing. We can’t just live day to day and go through the motions since then we would be missing out on the big picture and why God has us doing what we are doing.

Lately, I have found myself right there where I am just going through the motions and not truly embracing what God is doing and quiet frankly, I have forgotten why I am here in the first place. I got to the point where I have been forced to slow down (literally, having to slow down since I have been sick for over a month now with bronchitis and it was a relapse from about 2-3 months ago.) With having to be home from work some and resting, it has given me the chance to truly examine what’s going on.

In the midst of this all, I have found myself empty even though I attend church weekly (well, actually attend 2 churches weekly), I am getting involved with the churches, I would follow through with work, etc yet I have been empty and haven’t been able to shake the feeling that I’m missing something. Today at church, the message may not have been that’s important but the worship was and the reminder that I was called into ministry and that it will require me to surrender everything to God was a reminder that I needed. I don’t want to just live day by day going through the motions since that will leave me empty and will go against the reason God has me here in Texas.

There is so much that God is doing that He is calling me and you to surrender our lives every day and to ask God to guide us and show us what it is that He is doing. It takes us surrendering ourselves to God so that He can work through us so that we may bring hope to others who may not feel like there is much hope. It takes us surrendering our lives so that we can live for God and represent Him in a way that everyone that we come into contact with will see that God is with us and that He is the hope that they need.

Before coming to Texas, I had other dreams but God changed my route and I have to be okay with that. I looked back at some of my journal entries and realize that God has been preparing me for the work in Texas all my life and that God has perfect timing. I wanted to enter into ministry my freshman year of college and I joked around telling people that I was going to drop out but God kept me there. You see, God places instincts in us and passions in us to do His will and to allow Him to work through us. It is never our work but it is always His work. He could change the world all by himself if He truly wished to but He desires for us to partner with Him and to allow Him to work through us.

The US-2 program is about ministry “with” not “for” or “to” and I absolutely agree. We should be doing ministry with God not for God or to God and we should be working with those that we serve not for them… Allow people to do for themselves what they can rather than going in and taking over and doing things for them. Yeah, it’s not always easy work, it will be frustrating at times, it will test your patience, and so much more but in the end, you would have done more for them than you realize and you will have grown more than you would have if you just went in and did things for others.

In the US-2 program, one of the main keys is growing in mission. This is sometimes an area where I have a hard time figuring out what God is doing and how I am growing but when I take a step back and truly take a look at what’s going on, What God’s doing, why God brought me here, and focus on Him and His work (since after all, it’s all God’s work NOT ours) then I am able to see how I am growing and being “tested”. The ministry life is not always easy but it’s one I would follow all over again since in the end it’s all about what God is doing and it’s not about us.

It’s about fully surrendering to God our lives, our finances, our day-to-day activity, our relationships, our everything. It requires an everyday act of surrendering and trusting God and in the end; He will be the one that brings hope, light, and restoration to this world. Everything we do is God’s work and He has chosen to use us to carry out His work. So, what do you need to surrender to God and how are you going to start living out the ministry that God has called you to? How are you going to look at the work that God has called you to (as something that you are just doing or something that is bringing hope and life to others?)

This is the song that we ended with at church today and it was a reminder that our dreams, our lives, everything belongs to God and that we need to surrender them to Him! God is burdened by the pain that exists in this world as so should we. However, we shouldn’t just ignore the hurt, pain, etc but we should do something about it and start bringing hope to those we encounter and allow them to ultimately see God at work. So, take a step back and truly look at the communities you work in, the lives you impact, the people you come into contact with, the networking, etc and try to see it all from God’s perspective and see how He is at work and see how you can come alongside God and continue doing His work. Stop going through the motions but truly embrace what God is doing and what God has planned for you and the reason He has you where you are! 

It's not an easy task to surrender everything to God and to live as God has intended for us to live. It's not easy to be the one that people look to for hope, encouragement, etc but it's about time that we all start giving our lives to God and see what He can and wants to do through us. We can't do it on our own but with God we can!

May this song be your prayer and may you trust God, surrender all, and go out to the coomunities or where every it is that God has you and bring hope to the hopeless, broken, etc. And may God be with you every step of the way and give you His eyes to see thw communities and the world as He sees it and show you the work that He is already doing! For me, it's Dallas that God has called me to and the Dallas area that He wants to bring hope to!

I'm giving You my heart, and all that is within 

I lay it all down for the sake of You my King 

I'm giving You my dreams, I'm laying down my rights 

I'm giving up my pride for the promise of new life  

And I surrender all to You, all to You 

And I surrender all to You, all to You  

I'm singing You this song, I'm waiting at the cross 

And all the world holds dear, I count it all as loss 

For the sake of knowing You for the glory of Your name 

To know the lasting joy, even sharing in Your pain

Walking in the wilderness

Sometimes it take being put into a situation that you thought was right for you to realize that it’s actually not what God has desired for you and that frees you from the past yet how can you move forward when you feel stuck in the present and knowing what God has given you the passion for yet others don’t realize it and you find yourself running into a dead end?

 "It is no coincidence that many of the great moments in salvation history start out with a trek through the wilderness. Abraham, Moses and the Israelites, and Jesus all found themselves wandering through the desert after responding to God’s calling"

Right now, I feel like I am walking in the wilderness and trying to find my way to truly embracing what God has for me and why He brought me to Texas. I have been in Texas and participating in ministry for about 6 months now and without a doubt I can tell you that God brought me here for a reason and has been revealing the truth to me and showing me where my true passions are. I have realized over the years that God will take me from the familiar and everything I know when He wants me to understand something better or He wants to reveal something new to me that I may have been too stubborn to pay attention to if I was in my familiar surrounding. So, coming to Texas, I had the questions, why Texas? Why am I working with the Dallas Leadership Foundation? Why was I not placed overseas? Why was I not placed somewhere else when I thought I was being called to do something else? What did God want to show me and reveal to me in Texas and during the 2 years that I was assigned to be working on Texas?

All of those questions may not be fully answered but there are things that God's been revealing to me and showing me yet as I stated in the first part, there are times that I feel like I am having to hold back on what God is showing me and it’s hard and frustrating. I will admit that I came to Texas thinking one thing yet God has switched things up, like He usually does, and has revealed the truth to me.

God’s at work yet I feel like I am in the wilderness and wondering around trying to figure out where to go next and wondering if anyone else will realize what God is doing.

(On a side note, I want to say that I am absolutly glad that God has brought me to Texas and has me working with DLF. I truly wouldn't want to be anywhere else right now and I am glad that God is showing up and revealing things to me and will hopefully continue to do so!)

"It is in the desert that the Holy Spirit teaches us key truths, tests our character and purpose, and strengthens us for ministry. God’s strength is made perfect in our weakness (2 Cor. 12:9)"

Texas may not be a literal desert yet this journey that I am on in ministry is at times like a desert. I left everything I knew and came to Texas. A desert is a dry place and doesn’t have much and that’s how it was coming to Texas. I may have had thoughts about how I thought things would be and accusations that God was going to let me have my dream. (A dream that I may add was something that God called me out of yet part of me was always going to wonder how things would be different if I continued following my plan. So, God allowed me to have a taste of what my plan would have ended up like and I thank Him that He called me out of what I thought I had always wanted to do and ended up deciding to follow Him into ministry and to Texas.) So, you see, I came empty-handed to Texas yet it’s been through this journey so far that God has been revealing to me the truth about why He has brought me to Texas and what He has implanted in me to do. What God has been revealing to me, I may have always overlooked but looking back on the past, I realize that it has always been apart of who I am but it’s now that it’s becoming more apparent and clear to me.

It’s in the desert, or the new place, the new journey, the step of saying yes to Him that He will reveal the true motive behind what we are doing. He will reveal the truth of who He has made us to be. He will set us free from our past, our thoughts, and our old desires and make us new. However, I am now at a place where I wonder how do I  follow Him in the direction that He is calling me when I feel absolutely stuck in the wilderness with no way out? I pray that God shows me the way and continues to work through me and reveal the truth to me. There’s more behind being in Texas than I know yet little by little, God is revealing why He has brought me here and why I am where I am and not somewhere else.

Would you join me in praying for God to show me the best way to use what He is revealing to me? Pray that God continues to open my eyes to His truth and to His love. Pray that I find rest in God and find fulfillment in what He has called me to do and is revealing to me. Pray that I am able to speak truth and not live day by day going through the motion but truly embrace who God has made me and do what He has been preparing me to do. 

I will leave you with this, my senior year leading up to God calling me out of education and into ministry, the following song at the end of this blog was my prayer and to this day it is still my prayer…

To the desperate eyes and reaching hands

To the suffering and the lean

To the ones the world has cast aside

Where you want me I will be 

I will go, I will go  

I will go, Lord send me

To the world, To the lost

To the poor and hungry

Take everything I am

I'm clay within your hands

I will go, I will go, send me 

Let me not be blind with privilege

Give me eyes to see the pain

Let the blessing You've poured out on me

Not be spent on me in vain

Let this life be used for change