Behind the mask and behind the walls...

For the past few years and since I have been in Texas, I keep having the thought as to “what does my life consist of and what I am living for?” I am 22 years old yet I have had to go through the death of friends that was around my age, the death of people that I grew up knowing, weddings of best friends, the birth of children, people coming to Christ and being born again, challenges/ obstacles, and so many changes and journeys. I have found myself over and over again packing my schedule busy where I have no time to be a young adult and experience the joy that God wants us all to experience. I have found myself realizing what it was that I had and the privileges that I have endured.

I am in Texas and have been here for about 7 weeks now and I find myself being partially in Indiana still and in college. However, I have realized over the years that God sends me away from the familiar and comfortable when He wants to teach me and show me something. This new journey is one that is going to take 2 years since God has called me away and into missions for the next 2 years. So, the thought goes through my mind, “what is God wanting to show me and teach me?”

I started this post talking about the fact that I am 22 and what I have experienced from death to life and anything in between. So, why start a post about that? It’s because I am 22 and there is a lot in this life that I have not experienced and I don’t understand. There are so many people hurting yet they cover up the hurt and pain with masks. I have been there in my life where on the outside, I looked fine but on the inside, I was breaking yet nobody knew it. A lesson that God has kept on me about has been resting in Him and resting in general. I often say that I don’t know what the word rest means or how to rest since I am always working yet God says in scripture that we need to rest! So, that’s lesson #1 and should be a learning goal since I am not good at doing this right now and never have been.

The next thing is the fact that so many people are wearing masks. It may be physically since the person may be hurting on the inside but on the outside look fine or it may be a house. A house can be deceiving, you may see it on the outside and it looks like a decent and good house but once you enter into the house then you begin to see the defaults and issues. The things on the inside are eventually revealed and seen. This is true with the work that I am doing these next 2 years. The Dallas Leadership Foundation works in 9 neighborhoods and we work on houses. From the outside, some of them look good but once you enter them then it’s a different story. The foundation may be falling apart and not stable and other issues but that’s not seen on the outside.

I am also working with the youth leadership movement and if you read my last few posts then you know that I have felt like I have nothing in common with these students and that it’s hard for me being in the schools since it’s culture shock to me. However, the more I think on it the more God is revealing to me that there are similarities that I can relate too. Many of the students seem fine on the outside but from everything that I have been hearing about the lives some of the students live, I know that they are wearing masks and that on the inside, the foundation is falling apart and it’s only a matter of time till they break.

I know how it is to be someone wearing a mask and not wanting others to see the things on the inside. I have lived that life before and it took time to allow people to see the inside rather than only the outside. So, to go back to where I started, in the 22 years that I have been on this Earth, I have seen a lot and right now I am in a new environment. I am experiencing things that I have never experienced. I am doing work that I have never done before and even if sometimes I don’t understand what is going on, I am being reminded that there is only so much you can see on the outside. We need to enter the insides to see the true story. We need to sit and listen to people’s stories; we need to build report with those we come into contact with, we need to be patient and allow ourselves to see where people are coming from, we need to be slow to speak and act and just be present. These are all things that need to happen to see what’s truly on the inside rather than believing what meets the eyes.

Ministry isn’t always easy and once we allow ourselves to see the truth, it may make us uneasy but the truth will set us free and will allow us to minister more effectively. It makes me think of the lyrics from Brandon Heath’s song “Give Me Your Eyes” that says

“Give me your eyes for just one second


Give me your eyes so I can see


Everything that I keep missing


Give me your love for humanity


Give me your arms for the broken hearted


Ones that are far beyond my reach.

Give me your heart for the ones forgotten


Give me your eyes so I can see”

I pray that God does give me His eyes and compassion these next 2 years so that I am able to see what He sees and love like He loves. There is much to learn these next 2 years and I am glad that God has placed me where I am at and look forward to figuring out the lessons that He has for me during my time of service. It may not always be easy, but with God by our sides, we can do it!