Waves of Life

Peter, suddenly bold, said, “Master, if it’s really you, call me to come to you on the water.” He said, “Come ahead.” Jumping out of the boat, Peter walked on the water to Jesus. But when he looked down at the waves churning beneath his feet, he lost his nerve and started to sink. He cried, “Master, save me!” Jesus didn’t hesitate. He reached down and grabbed his hand. Then he said, “Faint-heart, what got into you?” ~Matthew 14: 28-31

Have you ever found yourself in Peter’s position, having the courage to step out of the boat but then run into a bump in the road and get scared and start sinking? Yeah, right now that’s who I relate to the most! I have been in full time ministry since August 2013 and my US-2 assignment is slowly coming to an end. While I have been accepted into seminary and I feel like this is the right next step to take, I have constantly found myself in Peter’s position.

I said yes to seminary when if you have known me for awhile, you would know that I was adamant about never going to seminary since that wasn’t the right path for me. But, when I felt like God placed it on my heart and started looking into seminaries, I said yes. Much like Peter, if God said “Come ahead” and “go” then I would get out of the boat and do something that I never thought I would previously do. So, I felt God saying “go” and “come ahead”. That was the easy part!

So, I applied for seminary and got accepted yet since I told the school that I would be attending full time in the fall, I have found myself being hit with wave after wave (waves of scholarships not being completed as quickly as I had hoped, the waves of not qualifying for other scholarships, the waves of recommendation questions not applying to the person who is completing the recommendation form or questions for me, the waves of financial questions, the waves of doubts, and the list could go on and on). I have found myself doubting that God will provide and that I will truly be able to fulfill this next step into seminary. I am Peter.

But after all the waves subside for a time being, I find myself back at a place where I am trusting God and know that seminary is the right next step but the peace doesn’t last forever since I’ve realized that there is always another “wave” waiting to show up and hit me. It’s in the moments of the waves that I question God on the path that I feel He has called me down and to take and at those moments, just need a small glimpse that everything will work out (whether it be from confirmation from others on the path I am taking, reassurance that God will provide, a call from the financial aid department guiding me through the financial aid process, etc)…

Sometimes, we just need that quick glimpse of reassurance to get through the waves. While I wish I could make it through and follow this path without all the waves and without doubting God as much as I have these past few months, I realize that I am human and I will always encounter waves but can’t loose sight of God and His provision for my life.

At the end of the passage, Jesus asks Peter “what got into you” or in other versions “why did you doubt?” That’s a question that I don’t have a good answer for since I have seen God provide time and time again and yet I still have doubts show up. It’s the reality that I see something in front of me that I can’t control and I can’t provide. I realize that there is only so much that I can do and then have to leave the rest up to God but that can at times come with challenges. However, if I don’t give the rest over to God after I have done all that I can do, then I will find myself in a cycle of waves that end up drowning me and turn me from the path that God has for me.

So, what are the waves in your life and are you going to reach out to God in the midst of those waves or are you going to allow the waves to consume you and possibly turn you from the direction God wants you to go? It’s not easy but I strive to stay in the direction that God has for me but as I have stated, I have found myself in the waves and in the storms but the small glimpses of reassurance have kept me going and pushing through the waves and reaching out to God’s hand to save me!