Eyes of an accomplisher

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly." ~John 10:10

This past week I often found myself thinking about what I used to have and how it would be absolutely easy to just give up. I found myself looking back at the time that I have had here in Texas so far and asking myself the questions, “am I making any difference here?” and “am I accomplishing anything?”

With those questions, later came the realization that it is easier for us to see the faults, insecurities, etc in our lives than it is to see the accomplishments and how we are making a difference. I know for me, it’s easier for me to see how things could have gone better and be improved rather than giving credit to what has been done and that at least some things are steps in the right direction and improvement.

I guess for someone who’s strength is “accomplisher” which is my top strength according to the strength finders inventory, it’s hard to slow down and take a look at what has been accomplished and what difference is being made when there are times that I feel like more could have been done and could be further along in some circumstances. It’s a weakness that I need to continually ask for God’s grace on and try to see things from His perspective even though it’s not easy to do.

The above questions came up when I was asked, “what has been accomplished since January and what are you most proud of?” These are 2 questions that I honestly can’t seem to find an answer to since in my mind, I am asking myself the very same thing, “what have I accomplished?” “Have I accomplished anything?” and “is a difference being made?”

Normally, I am able to see the “details” and well maybe that’s the issue, I see the details when it comes to what’s missing and how things could have been better but when it comes to evaluating myself and what has been accomplished, it’s hard.

It’s in this instance that I am reminded and grateful that God is able to see those details and He not only sees how things could have been done better but He chooses to look past those details, extend grace and looks at what has been accomplished. God sees it all when we can’t, and if you’re like me then you know that it’s easier to see how things could have been better and what was missing but it’s hard to allow yourself to always see the accomplishments for the moment.

When looking back at when I first arrived to Texas and before actually doing things with the Dallas Leadership Foundation, I most definitely see how things have changed and where accomplishments have been but for the here and now when asked “what have you accomplished” I find myself having a hard time answering and continue asking the questions, “am I making a difference?,” “What’s being accomplished?” etc.

It’s times like this that I honestly find myself in a position where I need to find solitude and be with God yet unfortunately, I have not been able to find that place of solitude and where I feel closest to God since being in Texas. In the past, that place has usually been in nature and near water and that’s what I need here in Texas since it’s that surrounding that I feel closest to God and can find the solitude and renewal that is needed. Ministry is not always easy and it can definitely come with it’s frustrations and hardship and when you add those two things in with the lies and attacks of the enemy then you are destined to find yourself in a state of feeling absolutely alone and that’s where I found myself at toward the end of last week and during the weekend. A sense of being alone that I could not find a way to get rid of it. Being at church on Sunday, I could feel God’s presence with me yet there was still the uneasy feeling of being absolutely alone.

I have found myself at times on edge and just having to pull back and ask God to be my strength. Like I said, this journey isn’t always easy, patience will be tested; etc yet thankfully God is always there to help us through it and be our strength that we need.

Even with what I believe to be the attacks of the enemy and the questions, I still wouldn’t trade where I am at or what I am doing. God has me here for a reason and I trust that He’s going to continue walking with me in this journey and be my strength when I am weak, on edge, and just feel like giving up. However, giving up would be the easy thing and the exact thing that the enemy is wanting. When you start to see progress and results, it’s then that the enemy is going to attack even more since he wants to see us break and pull away from those around us, and ultimately God as well but that’s not going to happen.

Some ending thoughts and prayer request if you’re reading this

1. I don’t quit nor do I give up, I know the tricks and lies of the enemy and I choose to put my complete faith and trust in God and His strength and plan (I choose to listen to the "Voice of Truth")

2. Pray that I find the place of solitude where I can go and feel close to God when I feel distant and just need to get away in nature

3. Thanks for reading my blog posts and following the journey that God has me on and please continue reading and following what God is doing in my life, in this journey, and in the areas and communities that I am helping in (it’s been 8 months already yet it seems like I just got here yesterday and I trust that God still had plenty to do while here in Texas)