Life's Unexpected Turns

You're the Light in this darkness
You're the Hope to the hopeless
You're the Peace to the restless

~God of this city by Christ Tomlin

Build Your kingdom here
Let the darkness fear
Show Your mighty hand
Heal our streets and land
Set Your church on fire
Win this nation back
Change the atmosphere
Build Your kingdom here
We pray

~Build Your Kingdom here by Rend Collective

God has a sense of humor. Over these past 8 months since I ended my missionary assignment as a US-2 young adult missionary, a lot has changed and continue to change. I ended my time of service and entered into seminary where I was going to change my original degree in order to obtain a Master of Divinity degree as well as seek ordination as a deacon in the Methodist Church. I also changed job positions since I remained working with my placement site but was no longer working as a community and youth coordinator, but was working as the Apricot data base outcome manager/ analyst.

During these past 8 months, I also had to deal with the passing away of my grandfather on November 1^st. With his passing, I began to look into other seminaries and ways to return closer to home. Therefore, I ended up applying to Garrett-Evangelical Theological Seminary for their Master Degree in Pastoral Care and Counseling since I was wanting to become a hospital chaplain. I was admitted into the program beginning fall 2016 which would be this August. However, life has unexpected turns and outcomes.

I found myself resenting having to move from Texas to go to Illinois where Garrett is located. I also found myself getting more involved with Perkins and not wanting to leave the community that I had begun to develop over the past couple of months. I also found myself beginning to question if I was truly on the right path or if I had rushed into some things. This feeling of resent and making the wrong choice kept following me around and I couldn’t seem to shake the feeling that things had changed.

I later found myself leaving my job as the Apricot data based outcome manager/ analyst in order to prepare to move and finish out my first year of seminary. However, during this time I found myself in a discernment process and continuing to ask if I was on the right path or not. I later found myself facing a major decision on a possible job opportunity or continuing to move to Garrett. It was during this time, within the past 2 weeks, that I found myself realizing that I may have been detouring from the path God had planned for me.

You see, I found myself truly examining why I was leaving. While I do miss family and it would be great being closer to family and  friends in Indiana, I found myself in a place of finally admitting that I may have rushed into applying to Garrett and that it was done in a time of grieving. I found myself in a place where I was hurting due to the passing of my grandfather and feeling like I had missed out on so many memories and moments with my grandfather that the rest of my family was able to have with him. I found myself being angry with myself for living 13 hours away and not being able to see my grandfather more often and I found myself fearful of the same thing happen all over again. All I could think of during this time was, “how can I be closer to family so next time there’s an emergency, I will be there in an instant and not miss out on memories and opportunities?” Yeah, I was allowing my grief to dictate my future.

However, with it being 6 months since the passing of my grandfather and hearing myself speaking those words out loud to someone I see as a mentor, that I realized that maybe I was on the wrong path. It was then that I found myself face to face with the possible job opportunity to do community engagement or still move to Garrett. I figured there would be no harm in applying and seeing where things took me so I applied and had an interview. It was during the interview that I again found myself verbally expressing why I was on the path I was on. I don’t recall what the question was but I found myself telling the interviewers something like this, “I have a passion for being there to help others and being present. It’s the reason I entered into seminary in the first place and wanted to pursue a Masters in Theology and Social Justice so that I could gain more education in order to help the community and residents more. I want to be the voice for those that don’t feel like they have a voice and be of assistance to those who may need a vision of hope.”

Yeah, the entire reason I began my seminary career wasn’t because I wanted to be ordained or become a chaplain but because I found myself broken for the 11 Dallas neighborhoods that I assisted in serving during my 2 year missionary assignment. It was because I found a passion for neighborhood community development that I never knew I had. I found myself wanting to do more and the only way I saw that happening was to pursue further education on the topic. So with that being said, I have found myself recently returning back to the “why” and pulling back from ordination and chaplaincy.

I will always have a desire to be present in a time of need and be a person that people can talk to and know will listen, no matter what’s happening. But that’s also a part of what community development is about, it’s about being present and building relationships and truly listening to what the needs of the people are. Too often as the church, we overlook and don’t take the time to look around us to see what the pressing needs are. We have become too concerned about numbers rather than being missional and going to where the people are. It has become about how many people come into a building once a week rather than building a relationship with them and doing life together.

The more this semester has gone on and over the past 8 months, I have realized that I want to be missional rather than being focused on numbers. Therefore, I truly believe that God has placed before me an opportunity that I couldn’t turn down that will allow me to continue growing, to continue trusting in Him, to use my undergrad degree in Spanish, and to be missional rather than being all about the numbers. While yes numbers are important, especially in a non-profit, but being sincere and truly listening to people is also important and that’s what people will remember in the end. It’s about the stories and about lives being impacted, not about the numbers.  

Therefore, as Christ Tomlin says “Greater thing have yet to come. And greater things are still to be done in this city” and I believe that God’s not done with me in TX and still has greater things to be done!