Last Sunday at church we read a passage from 1 Kings 19:13
and one of the questions that we were asked was, what stands out to you and
what is God speaking to you through the passage? Instantly, the thing that I
found standing out the most was the last question that was being asked in the
passage, which was, “what are you doing here?”
This has been a question that I have been struggling with
and wrestling with for some time now since I am coming up on finishing my 2
year assignment as a US-2 young adult missionary in July and I have been
accepted into seminary at a great school yet the question still remains, “what
are you doing here?” I have found myself wrestling with God and wondering if I
am even meant to stay here or if I am trying to make my desires happen. I know
in my heart where I want to be but it’s a battle between mind, heart, and
spirit.
I have come to enjoy Texas and I enjoy the work I do and the
people I work with but lately, I can’t stop but wonder if this is where I am
meant to be. While I am comfortable where I am, there’s a lot that is still to
be “discovered” and figured out. It’s not an easy position to be in and I find
myself constantly battling with myself on this topic. There is no straight up
answer and I know that whatever decisions are made, God will use for His good
but at the same time, I don’t want to make the wrong choice.
So, what are you doing here? That’s a question I will
continue struggling with but pray that I find an answer soon and come to be at
peace with the decisions made so that the inner battle will come to an end and
I can continue to work toward where things are leading me.
In the mean time, if you are reading this, please be praying
for me and the direction that things are taking me and for the right choices
and decisions to be made. Thanks!
